I have been getting tons of feedback from Google+ on this damn synopsis. I swear to God, this is harder than writing my 90,000+ word book. I have learned a lot and decided to write two posts today. This one I am going to go through my synopsis I wrote and explain what's wrong. I am beyond frustrated by the way. A lot of people have been helping me though, so I thank them. Here is my original.
Ryder has been bullied for the past two years. She is tired of walking into school in fear. On her first day of her senior year she decides she isn't going to care what people think of her. She can't wait to finish the year and get the heck out of town! Then she meets Ollie. He is a sexy blue eyed God. She falls hopelessly in love with him. While Ollie is out of town she collaborates with Ari, a cocky, motorcycle riding bad ass. They travel on an epic journey into the Underworld to uncover secrets Ryder never knew existed. Will her love with Ollie be able to withstand Ari's charm? Will an ancient curse bring them together or push them apart? What will Ryder do once she has the answers?
The first four sentences are much too choppy. I got critiqued that they don't flow together and really are pointless. I should get right down to the point. A reader wrote this out and I kind of like it...
Ryder had one goal for her senior year: to stop being bullied. What she didn't plan on was falling in love, and 'didn't plan' was a massive understatement for her getting involved with Ari.
I like this as an opener. I would keep the first line and take out the second part. Because this guy didn't know the full story it doesn't completely fit. So now I have...
Ryder has one goal for her senior year, to stop being bullied. What she doesn't plan on is falling for the new guy, Ollie. He is different, that much Ryder can tell. He has qualities about him that scare Ryder, yet not enough to stop her from loving him. She never would have guessed that Ollie's secrets could change who she is forever.
Ari is a motor cycle riding, bad ass. He waltzes into school like he owns the place. Ryder has seen this guy before, from her dreams. She starts to think that maybe her dreams are more than just her imagination running wild. She befriends Ari much to Ollie's dismay, and gets a lot more than she bargained for. Ari opens her up to a whole new reality when he reveals an ancient curse that affects them all.
In a journey to find herself, Ryder relies solely on Ari as her guide. They travel into the Underworld to confront the man that has ruined her, time and time again. She craves the answers of her ancestry and who she really is. She can't stop the visions from coming anymore. She realizes that the world she lives in is nothing like she imagined.
I feel like this one is a little better. It is long though so I am not sure what people are going to say about it. While reading about synopsis's and blurbs I learned a lot. Firstly, I should not really be describing anyone. Readers are supposed to decide if someone is sexy or not. Also, I added in some more information about the fantasy factors. People thought it was just a book about romance and love which it isn't! The paranormal and fantasy factors are the key parts of the book. I definitely want to make that well known. Let's see what kind of feedback I get about this stuff! Wish me luck!