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Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Sex Scene Excerpt

Hello everyone. I'm working on my latest book and it has some sex in it. If you've read my other blog posts recently, I've been trying to master the sex scene. I'm not sure if I have or not but I figured I'd post it on here and see what people say.

Bear in mind that this hasn't been edited at all and I haven't had anyone look at it. Any grammatical errors don't have to be pointed out since through editing, they'll disappear.

I really want anyone who reads this to comment with their thoughts and whether it worked at all. Honest critiques are good and exactly what I'm looking for. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE comment your thoughts after reading.

I guess now would be the time to warn whoever is reading that there is sex coming up. This is the first time Maggie and Luke are having sex. Up until this point they've had one steamy make out session and tons of tension.

Before I can break the silence he grabs me by the waist and pulls me into him. Our bodies are touching on every bare spot sending heat through my veins. I cling to him with my arms and tilt my face up to look into his mysterious eyes. He looks down at me with hooded eyes and I can tell what he wants. 
He bends down to my height and takes my mouth in his. I’m pretty sure I gasp from the passion but my brain is focused on one thing only, Luke. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I entwine my fingers through his hair trying to get as close as possible to this man. 
He starts moaning into my mouth and I need more. I jump into his arms and wrap both legs around his hard torso. Immediately I feel his hard erection against my most sensitive spot and melt into him. He feels so good and I need him, more and more by each passing second. 
“More.” I moan into his mouth as his tongue continues it’s assault. God, he knows exactly what he’s doing. I’ve never been more turned on in my life. He feels so good and we fit perfectly together. “More.” I pull back as whisper. I open my heavy eyes and stare right into his. They flash with uneasiness before he drags us back up the stairs. 
As he walks I bury myself in his neck. He smells so damn good and I’ll never forget this smell. He’s pure man with sweat, soap and old spice, maybe? I just know that I fucking love it. We get to my door and I push it open with my ass. He walks us to my bed and he drops me before covering me with his body again. 
“Should I slow down?” Luke asks while lifting my hoodie up and over my head. He grunts seeing that I have another layer of clothes on underneath and I giggle at his reaction. This time I lift it over my head myself revealing my bra and my body to him. I think that answered his question. 
He grabs the back of my neck and pulls me up so I’m sitting right in front of him. I’m a little shy but I know I have a good body. It’s all genes, trust me. Reaching lower, he unclasps my bra and my breasts spring free, tightening from Luke’s strong gaze. 
I swear he growls in the back of his throat before taking my right nipple in his mouth. I moan from the heat and wetness in his mouth. God, he feels so good. My other nipple feels neglected so I reach my hand up and start twisting it so they both feel good. 
My head falls back in ecstasy but I need more. My panties are definitely drenched and the tension down there is burning. I need to be touched now or else I’m going to loose it. I grab his full head of hair and pull it back. I grab the hem of his shirt and lift it over his head. Fuck.
As if my need could grow stronger. He’s so fucking hot. Immediately I bend down and lick his navel all the way up his neck. He tastes salty and so fucking good. I can’t stop there, though. I need to taste more. I reach for his pants and undo the top bottom. I don’t even bother with the stupid zipper. I pull his pants down and his underwear to reveal his hard dick. 
Before I can even admire it, I take it all in my mouth. It tastes so much better than his abs. I reach my hand up and start stroking his shaft while teasing the tip with my tongue. Luke’s hands dive into my hair and start guiding my head up and down. I normally hate it when guys do this but with him, I don’t care. Anyway I can have him, I want him.
“You better stop before this ends too fast.” Luke grunts out. Instead I go harder and faster with my mouth. He starts moaning and in an instant he pulls out of my mouth and throws me down on the bed. I’m panting now and my pants are drenching with my need. 
“Please god. Touch me, Luke.” I say pulling my own pants down in utter need. It hurts just sitting here, him naked staring at me. I need him so bad. The tension inside me is surely going to kill me if I don’t have him inside me, like five minutes ago. 
He gently pushes me down onto the bed so I’m laying flat with my legs over the edge. I close my eyes bucking in anticipation for his touch. His pointer finger trails from my nipple down to my navel. I swear to god, he kisses and touches every spot on my fucking body except for the one that I need him to. 
I can’t take it anymore, so I reach my own hand down to take care of myself. Luke grabs it before I even get close and I groan. “Fuck, Luke. I need you to touch me. Please.” I basically cry out to him. I know he’s teasing me on purpose but I can’t take it anymore. My need is consuming me. 
“Shh. It’s coming, baby.” He bends back down and starts flicking his tongue around my clit. Finally, he hits me in the exact spot I need and I come undone. One fucking touch and I’m trembling, shaking and calling out his name. I come hard and long until I can’t even breathe. My body feels like it’s been rocked and it definitely has. I thought an orgasm would cure me but I still crave him. 
“You’re so beautiful when you come for me.” He says and I’m needing him more and more. He continues to stroke me with his fingers working me up for another one. I want it from his dick his time. I reach up and grab him by the shoulders pulling him onto the bed. 
“Let me do something for you.” I say, smiling at him and straddling him. Before I can put him inside me, he hands me a condom. Fucking stupid thing. Honestly, these babies always ruin the mood. I need to get on birth control ASAP if this is going to be a normal thing- which I really hope it is. 
Sliding the condom over his hard erection, he moans making me stroke him a little before moving further. I sit up in my hips and slowly put him inside me. I don’t go all the way down. He was teasing me before, now he can get a taste of his own medicine. I go all the way down and then up slowly. I twirl my hips so that his tip is only inside me and he starts panting with me. 
“God, you’re killing me.” Luke says through clenched teeth. He grabs onto my hips and starts pulling me up and down on his dick. It feels so good but I want to be in control. I grab both of his hands and put them above his head. I push them down so that he can’t use them and guide myself over his dick. 
Slowly, I start rocking back and forth and can feel my build towards an orgasm. His hands are freed and they go straight to my breasts in his face. He starts kneading them, tugging them and licking them which only makes my build so faster.
“I’m going to come.” I say as I rock harder on him.
“Wait for me.” He says and I nod, letting him take my hips and do what he wants with me. He starts putting himself all the way in me and then rocking me hard. I can’t take it and I start getting loud. I can’t contain the moans coming from me. It feels so good and I can’t hold back my orgasm anymore.
“I’m coming, Luke!” I yell out as my body betrays me by crumbling on top of his dick. God, it feels so fucking good. He continues to pump into me which only prolongs my orgasm. I literally collapse onto his shoulder when he stops moving. 
“Did you go?” I ask him into his neck breathlessly since I have none lieft. 
“I went with you baby.” Luke pants out wrapping his arms around me. We’re both sweaty and spent but this was the moment I was scared of. It’s always awkward after sex. No matter how old you are, this is the scary part. I don’t know if I should get up or wait for him to be the one to break the silence. 

That's it! Leave me a comment with any suggestions, comments or critiques. Thanks for taking the time to read this for me. :)


  1. I think it was very well written. I was just checking out your profile on Blurtit so I figured I'd have a look at your blog, and this actually inspired me to ask a question! I think sex scenes are probably the hardest thing to get right.

    The pace and detail is great, I can really see the scene from the character's point of view, and it feels personal and intimate, rather than an author describing a sex scene.

    I guess one issue I always have with sex scenes is that they're often too perfect, so I liked the way you ended with awkwardness. Maybe a few more details that aren't strictly sex related would be interesting to throw in there, just to make the scene as realistic as possible.

    But really great job, will keep an eye out for more of your work from now on ;)

    1. Yes! I completely agree. Sex is never perfect and I think making awkward parts, well- awkward is key. There's more to the beginning and end obviously but since it's my WIP I didn't want to give much away. Thanks for commenting!

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