How To Write a Good Sex Scene

I've been talking back and forth with a publishing company I am thinking of publishing with. One of her critiques is that my sex scene is funny when it should be more intense and deep. I guess because I'm not all that confident in the scene, it comes off all wrong. So I've been trying to get it right. Here are some tips I've picked up for writing a sex scene.

The Joy of Writing Sex by Elizabeth Benedict is a great guide that helps with writing the scenes. I bought it on amazon and found it to be the best! Pick it up if you need some advice. I completely recommend it!

• Reveal something during sex. Unless you are writing an erotic novel where sex is there well.. just for sex, something has to be revealed. Whether it's an 'I love you' in the heat of the moment, or a shyness or a new character trait, something should happen. 
• Don't make it cliche or generic. Using the same old actions and verbs makes the scene boring. You want the sex scene to be completely unique to your characters. I am constantly finding myself skip over sex scenes and read just the dialog. They are boring and once you've read one, you've read them all. Make yours special so the reader doesn't dismiss it.
• Something has to change. Whether the sex has a consequence or the relationship changes or emotions do, it has to have some impact on the characters life. Like I said before, unless it's just sex to have sex, it should change up the plot. 

I found this honest yet hilarious website, that reveals do's and don'ts about sex scenes. They're pretty funny and I find that I completely agree with most of them. I'll post some of my favorites from the article. 

• Watch what you call nipples during a sex scene. No cherries, pencil erasers, starbursts, nubs- whatever the hell else writers make up. 
• Don't say penis or vagina. Even writing them here kills the mood. The article brought up a great point in saying, you don't ever have to use a word for genitals. Just say, 'he reached for me' or 'he touched me.' It sounds much better to my ears.
• Make sure the dialog is believable. This isn't a fake porno, people don't actually say 'give it to me, big boy.' In fact, that's laughable. Make sure that what your characters say is something a real person would say during sex.
• Sex scenes should be based off real sex. You can't forget the foreplay, fluids and awkward moments. It all happens. Excluding these parts will only make it seem fake and you don't want that. You want the reader to feel and be aroused and making it as believable as possible is the key to that!

Do I have any followers who are experts in writing sex scenes? I'd love to hear your tips and tricks and any advice anyone has... Please do let me know! Until next time...