Hello again blogging world. Sorry I have been so MIA. I was in Ohio with my boyfriend and his family. They went skydiving! It was incredible but I'm too much of a chicken to do something like that. Oh well, he had a blast! (he's in the blue suit in the middle)
Today's prompt I made up thinking about skydiving. I figured it would be cool to imagine you are skydiving and what sort of thoughts or last words you would have before exiting the plane. Briefly I'll explain what happens before you actually drop so you get an idea of the type of anticipation you go through.
First you fill out 45 minutes of paperwork. Nerve Wracking- I know. Then you go into a room with the teacher and he makes you watch a video and then teaches you how to fall and jump and what not. Then you get suited up. Then you get onto the plane and travel to 11,000 miles up- which takes about 15 minutes. So that's a lot of thinking time. Then----- you fall!
Let's say that you're in the plane... 5 minutes to go until you drop. You have a secret that you've kept hidden but since you're about to fall you think it's time to get it off your chest so you say it. Think about why you kept the secret, how you will feel afterwards, what effect it will have when you land and what will happen next.
Here is mine...
Jiggling my leg up and down, I try to hold in the overwhelming need to get out of this situation. This is what I've signed up for yet all I want to do is get away. I could die- right here, right now. What would happen to me?
It's now or never. I should just be free, let go of everything I've been keeping in. With my father and brother next to me, my best friend to my left- I should just tell them the feelings I've been keeping in my whole life.
I'm jumping out of a freaking airplane for crying out loud. I should tell them my secret, finally let myself be me. I can do this, I chant in my head willing it to be true. Please, don't let anything to wrong.
"Guys..." I start to say while gaining the courage I need to tell them my secret before I jump.
"Relax, you'll be okay." The professional strapped to my back says. I hesitate second guessing myself about revealing the most secret part of me.
Before I know it, I'm up first. I scoot over to the open doorway while my head steadily raises to unbelievable speeds. Breathing long and deep, I look behind me at the familiar faces. I have to do this- let myself be free.
"I'm gay." I proudly state before my tandem partner flings me over the side. I tilt my head up and let the wind rush over my face. I can barely breathe but for once, it feels so good. I feel amazing. The forty five second free fall feels like three and before I know it my chute is being pulled and I'm floating slowly to the ground.
So... it's pretty easy. I'm not gay but I thought it would be a fun exercise and exciting way for this sky diver to reveal him/herself. It doesn't have to be as long as mine. It can simply be the secret and what happens next or a simply thought process. Have fun with it! Make up some crazy secret. Comment what you come up with!!
It was my 1000th jump. I had done this exactly 999 times, and I would never do it again. It was a shame really. I love jumping. Even when I was twelve, and I broke my arm jumping off of my house; it didn't seem to hurt as much when I thought of the rush of that twenty foot drop. I've since added some height to my jumps as well as a parachute. It's always a rush. Some people get used to the 10,000 foot jump, but I invariably manage to feel exhilarated. I expect this one will be quite a bit more of a rush. I also expect more than a broken arm this time.
ReplyDeleteMy friends are here as they often are. I've asked them here because they all think they know me. They all think that they know what I've been through, who I am, what I see when I look in the mirror. I've asked them here to see the look on their faces when it happens...
We've hit cruising altitude. I've got my pack, and I've packed it correctly, just like I've packed my parachute 999 times before today. My friends are talking amongst themselves. I can't wait. I step to the door as the attendant opens it wide, pack in hand. I hand him my envelope, toss my pack, and step forward for my final jump.
Dear Elena, Jess, and Tomas,
If you're still crying, you need to stop. I didn't do this because I wanted to hurt you; I've hurt too many people already to care about your feelings. But I still care. I care enough about you that I wanted you to be there for my final jump. I wanted you to be the last people I hurt. I'm not sorry. I'm simply through with this life.
I've always liked jumping. When I was a child I jumped from my roof. When I was older I jumped from airplanes. Army airplanes. Navy airplanes. Black airplanes that only travel at night, so the Lord can't see where you go. So the Lord can't see the things you do or the things you've done. So He can't see the people you've killed for the people you don't know. So He can't see when you stop feeling guilty about ending a life.
I thank you for being my friends, for caring for me. I hurt you, and it wasn't right. I'm not sorry. What happened, happened. This is not a suicide note. This is a thank you card. To my only three friends in the world. Thank you.
-Lukas.