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Friday, June 14, 2013

It's Teaser Friday

Hey guys! It's been quite a busy week. I don't want to give you an excerpt from The Thousand Year Curse since it's still at the editor and I haven't received any edits yet. I think I will tease the concept I've been playing with for a couple months now.

I kind of stick with the same themes since I like to write them. This story is pretty cool though. It'll be interesting to see what you all have to say about it. Here it goes....

This is how the book starts. Originally I had it in third person but I like writing from the POV of the main character. I also switched it up and made it past tense which is new for me. Since the book won't have a back story, I'm curious as to what you guys think will happen and where the story is headed.

My house erupted in cheers as I made my way towards the kitchen. Upon entering, the room blackened signaling the crowd to quiet themselves down. 
“Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Annie, Happy birthday to you!” My friends and family sang to me for the eighteenth time in my life. I smiled out towards the familiar faces loving the attention and recognition I got. 
“Are you one, are you two…” They went on and on, laughing as they played around with each other waiting for me to yell stop once they get to the magic number. 
“Stop!” Eighteen. Sweet, adult aged eighteen. I swear I was in a state of bliss in that moment. 
My beautiful mother, Abby leaned away from my dad, planting a kiss on my cheek. “Make a wish, sweet girl.” She whispered into my ear, sending a set of chills up my spine from her warm breath. I smiled towards her nodding before bending towards the beautiful cake.
Happy 18th Annie Girl!
That’s all my cake said, yet it meant so much to me- knowing that I was loved and being sent off to perform my angelic duties as an adult. I didn’t know what to wish for. I had a perfect life, perfect family, perfect boyfriend, perfect friends. The only thing I really, I mean really wanted was to become a fighter and embark on my new life.
I wish I was a fighter. I think to myself before leaning towards the candles and blowing out every last one of them in one single breath. One heated, slow breath that ended up changing my life. 

* * *
The next thing I knew I was woken up strapped to a lab table in a florescent lit room with tubes plugged into me-my ankles, wrists, stomach and neck bonded down to a cold, metallic table. I tried to remember what happened to me but my brain was in a constant fuzzy state.
Help! I yelled out trying to get someone’s attention but the words never made it past my lips. I’m fucking mute. Help! I tried again, thrashing my legs and arms around with no avail. 
I laid back my brain wracking with questions willing myself to remember how I got to such an awful, scary place. I don’t remember whether I passed out or not but images from the day before rushed to the forefront of my mind. 

“Where the fuck are my wings?” I yell out to the crowd surrounding me. My hand is wrapped around myself in awkward positions behind my back but I can’t stop searching. Where the fuck are they?
“Sweetie, relax.” My mother, who’s sweet demeanor is more than just irritating right now whispers towards me. Her frail hands are shaking yet remain held up towards me in defsense. My stupid father towering over her, giving me a stern look trying to get me to calm down.
How can I be calm?
My best friend Perry rushes to my side, pulling up my shirt searching me for any sign of wings or even tender skin. I don’t even have to see her to know, I don’t have any wings. 
How can an angel be wingless?
How can I be wingless?
I am top of my class. I am a fighter. It is my destiny. It is my fucking destiny!

I blinked my eyes wanting to get away from the memories. I turned eighteen knowing I would be given my powers and wings from Rem yet I was left with nothing. My whole life I’ve worked to be a fighter for the Veil. My whole life is a fucking joke now.
A silent tear trickled down my cheek escaping from the confines of my eye lids. I never let myself cry. I’m not weak but I guess this is my pathetic life now. 

So give it to me straight... What do you think? How do you like the idea? Where is the story going to go? Can you get an idea about the characters just from this excerpt? Was there anything that was confusing to you? I really want to know your opinions so message me or leave a comment below. I appreciate it! :) 


  1. Interesting concept. You tell me if anything was confusing to me: She was supposed to "get wings" the day she turned 18 and become a fighter for the "Veil," but for some reason she didn't; I imagine from here we will go on to find out why not, what's happening instead and what if anything blowing out the birthday candles had to do with it.

    My only suggestion would be: she (reasonably) is stressed and angry to be where she is, but I think in that situation, she would also be concerned/hopeful that maybe she was strapped to the lab table so she could be "fixed" -- as in, she's in some angel ICU and they're going to see why she didn't get wings and hopefully make her better. In fact, as badly as she wants wings and to be a fighter that might be her prevailing thought -- I didn't get wings, so I must be somewhere where they're examining me and they're going to make me better. Then the possibility that she can't be "fixed" and will be wingless forever could creep into her mind and really start stressing her out.

    Just a suggestion. Looking forward to more.

    1. That's very true. I didn't really think about the hopeful side of things instead I took on the more angry side. I will definitely try to add some of that in there. I think it's a great suggestion that adds dimension to the character.

      Thanks for commenting!!

  2. Interesting idea.

    My main concern is that in the last 300 or so words, you have 5 f-bombs, and I'd go easy on them, especially this early in the book, for several reasons.

    1. Do angels use f-bombs? They obviously do in your world, so I'll go real world for the next one.

    2. I have a nearly 16yo. If she dropped f-bombs at me at her 18th birthday party, I'd have something to say on the matter. Adult or not, I'd still have her frogmarched out of there for disrespecting those present. Maybe I'm an old fogy. I probably am!

    3. YA books are often bought by adults for their kids/grandkids/nephew/niece or for school libraries. If they open the book and see that on the first page (or second, however it pans out), you run the risk of it being put straight back on the shelf.

    I did a webinar yesterday with a YA agent talking about writing and selling YA novels. She said to avoid the "7 words you can't say on TV" (It's on YouTube. NSFW). Well, I know they are used, even in YA, but maybe tone it down a bit. :)

    1. I think this book will be more geared towards NA (New Adult) but still, I get your point. Lots of curses take the magnitude of them away. I will cut back! :)

  3. I like the concept. I agree with both Matt and Annie. Why is she going to straight to the swearing and not trying to rationalize anything out while she's strapped down? Yeah, she's panicking. Yeah, she's 18. She's an angel, supposed to get her wings, be a fighter. But what would be her reasoning to be in that room? Why isn't she struggling to try to remember how she got there? Why aren't all the other 'what-ifs' crowding into her brain? Her level of panic wouldn't go from 0 to 60 in one second flat, she'd build up to it. Angel or not, she's apparently human, too.
    I'm also on the same page with the swearing. I cuss like a sailor, but in YA, I'd tone it down a LOT. I have nieces I'd send books to, but only after I read them. This is already something I would tell my siblings to stay away from and anyone else I know with YA aged kids. They don't like a lot of sex and swearing in their YA books. You want to sell 'em, you gotta make the 'rents happy, too.

    1. So far I'm planning for this book to be a NA. It'll be for 18-20 somethings since the concepts down the road are more adult and the character herself is a bit more mature. Although in the beginning she comes off a tad whiny and young. I do agree though that swearing tends to be a turnoff for some people.

      Since this is the first copy, I tend to write what I think and when a curse comes up, I write it. I tend not to have a censor until someone tells me to cool off :) Thanks for dropping by!!


Tell me what you think!