I've been so busy this week because I'm taking a vacation next week. I'm headed to Spain for ten days! Never been anywhere outside of the United States so I'm dying with excitement. I'm going to do keep post while I'm gone so don't worry. I have internet.
Here's your teaser. I love this one because it shows the relationship between Ryder and Junior. Junior is Ryder's neighborhood and best friend- only friend. He was there for her during hard time but they also have a truly loving relationship. Here it is!
I tell him everything. I tell him how I’m scared of the new guy. I confess that once I let him in he’ll leave me like my mother or dump me like Becca. I tell him how she humiliated me in class and bitched me out. The only part I leave out is the super strength or whatever that is.
It’s amazing when I talk to Junior because he doesn’t judge me. There are no secrets between us- minus the one little thing. Our relationship is refreshing. When I talk to him, it’s easy. He knows me too well. I’m not embarrassed. I don’t feel like a complete loser.
I don’t even realize I’m fully crying until I’ve finished the story. Quiet crocodile tears slowly roll down my cheeks. How can I even have tears left after the last couple years?
So.. How was it? Remember this isn't edited yet so whatever I post on here, may not actually be how it ends up. It may not even be in the book at all! Either way I love the relationship between the two and I think they're a perfect combo even though their opposites.
Until next week...
TL
Hi Taylor,
ReplyDeleteI like the piece--it peeks into your character's head, reveals personality, and drops some intriguing teasers.
As far as critiques/suggestions, here's a few things for your consideration. I'd recommend a double dash here: "between us--minus the one..."
Also, the adverbs 'fully' and 'slowly' could probably be eliminated without losing any meaning. I'd also consider removing the sentence "Our relationship is refreshing." I think you describe the relationship in plenty of detail without using this somewhat vague sentence.
And one last thing--I suspect you mean Becca humiliated and bitched out the POV character, yet the way it is written, there is some slight ambiguity as to whether it was Becca or her mother.
Anyhow, good stuff! Take my suggestions with a grain of salt.
Thanks for all of the feedback! I admit I have a bad habit with 'ly' verbs. I hate them yet I can't stop using them. You're right. They're most likely be dropped by the editor. Thanks again!
DeleteThe '-ly' words are a weakness of mine as well. I think that's why they tend to pop out at me. Best of luck!
ReplyDelete